Dear human being,
I want to write to you so I can let you know that you have let me down. I could write the words over and over again, but I realize it changes nothing. I could scream it at the top of my lungs and let the world know how you have hurt me, but the past will not hear me or pay me any mind. I could hate you. I could keep that hatred for you deep inside of me and let it hide there safely as a reminder of the pain you brought me. But I am the only one who knows that it exists and lets it eat away at my heart, so why create it?
I was your friend. I was your family. I was your lover. You are a person that could have been any number of things to me. Heartbreak plays no favorites when it chooses people in life to let you down. I really always had faith in you. I trusted our friendship and the promises that you made to me. I believed in your aspirations and disregarded your ambiguity. I let you in, against my best wishes. I relentlessly defended you. I saw the beautiful parts of who you were. I made plans with you and kept them in my head like a guaranteed magnificent destination. I loved you. I gave you all that I had, you gave me conditions, quote “You gotta be cool with…..” did you ever see how hard i tried? did you ever question …….. and now I am left feeling empty and cheated. But do you know what the strangest and most unbelievably frustrating part of all of this is? I forgive you.
You and I are different people, but in the end we are the same. We are only human. As humans, we let each other down. We promise love before we know what it really means. We abuse trust. We break hearts. We make mistakes. I have made my fair share of mistakes as well. I’m sure I have hurt you too. I know there are parts of you that I will never truly understand and therefore cannot fit into the small boxes of reasoning that I have tried to place around these complex situations but at-least i tried . I know that there was a reason why I believed in you, and therefore there is a reason why I still want the absolute best for you. Friendship, family, and relationships seem so well defined with their expectations, but very rarely are all of those expectations going to be met. That is the chance you take in believing in people. In the end, loving each other only teaches us about love, as a separate and beautiful entity that is unparalleled to anything else in this world.
You could be a lover, friend, parent, child, or borderline stranger. Whoever you are, I want you to know that you have hurt me, but I forgive you. I don’t forgive you because it makes me feel like a good person. I don’t forgive you because I don’t want to deal with the recognition of your actions. I don’t forgive you because I have forgotten. On the contrary, I forgive you because I remember. I remember that you are a human and humans teach each other in both positive and negative ways. I remember that you brought me memories and emotions that made me feel alive. I remember that if you were worth my trust and love, you are worth my forgiveness and I am worth the relief of being able to let go. I know I am strong and alive, and free to experience all depths of love and loss. I am blessed for the moments that I have and the moments that I have lost. You are a piece of me, and that piece will not eat away at my soul like hatred would. It will live inside of me in a place that is preserved by forgiveness and humility. And for that I will be a better person going forward.